Red Feet
October 21, 2014
http://alexbaca.tumblr.com/post/100556266646/bigmouthsparesagain-letussallyforth-950-for →

letussallyforth:

geocities:

alexbaca:

bigmouthsparesagain:

letussallyforth:

$950 for a studio in Logan Square.

That’s too much. For a studio.

How….even….ugh

I wishhhhh

[writhing and LOLing on the floor in San Francisco]

I don’t want to carry on the rent-is-too-damn-high Olympics so, whatever, should probably clarify…

Chicago has a great public transportation system and $950 is still too damn high for a studio in Logan Square. Reason #472768 I won’t move back to New York - the El and the busses here are just as useful to me as the subways, but I can own a car and park it for free on my street if I want to like, go to Costco. Or get a job far away and relatively inconvenient to get to (which I did). But most people I know don’t own or rely on cars here.

Additionally, Chicago has really really really high taxes on a lot of things.

Like…laundry detergent (my fave example for some reason) can cost $3-$5 more in the city than it does in the suburbs, so basic necessities run you a bit more than they do other places.

I have a car, too (because corporations have been feeling the squeeze of these taxes and no longer feel like setting up shop downtown is a profitable decision and thus so many companies have moved out to the suburbs) and the city loves to play footloose and fancy free with your dollars when it comes to having a vehicle here, but I also need it to get to my job.

I could move to the suburbs, but at this point in my life, I don’t want to.

Plus, for as “cool” as Logan Square is, the road conditions suck, there’s not many banks or a grocery store, and $950 seems like a Wicker Park price to me.

I think these landlords got too big for their britches and need to really look at what’s happening here because slapping a granite countertop in a building that needs new insulation or floods a lot is a shady way to make money.

YESSS. I’ve paid probably thousands of dollars for speeding/parking tickets since I’ve moved here. But I know it’s pennies compared to how much more money I’d spend on rent + basic necessities in New York. Maybe I like to make excuses for driving but I genuinely cannot see myself hauling ass to the Costco that probably wouldn’t be on a convenient subway line and attempting to carry anything back. I’m gonna buy millions of small-ish containers of detergent at the bodega. Same with toilet paper, chocolate chips, frozen broccoli…etc. I realize that the car-less in Chicago make the same choice, but there’s a much higher chance that 1) you’ll have a friend with a car, or 2) it’s not a big deal because you pay less than $500/mo for rent so you can afford to pay a little more for these things. And Malort. I love logan but I don’t even know why I live there anymore. Initially I used the blue line to get to night school, and when my car died (RIP) I could LUCKILY take the bus almost door to door for work, 25 mins or so. It’s easy to find new roommates when I need to, due to blue line proximity and the fact that were literally close to everything except the lake and a decent grocery store. But I live in SE logan and that new store on Western and Charleston is opening Nov 1st!! So excited.

http://alexbaca.tumblr.com/post/100556266646/bigmouthsparesagain-letussallyforth-950-for →

alexbaca:

bigmouthsparesagain:

letussallyforth:

$950 for a studio in Logan Square.

That’s too much. For a studio.

How….even….ugh

I wishhhhh

[writhing and LOLing on the floor in San Francisco]

I don’t want to carry on the rent-is-too-damn-high Olympics so, whatever, should probably clarify…

Chicago has a great public transportation system and $950 is still too damn high for a studio in Logan Square. Reason #472768 I won’t move back to New York - the El and the busses here are just as useful to me as the subways, but I can own a car and park it for free on my street if I want to like, go to Costco. Or get a job far away and relatively inconvenient to get to (which I did). But most people I know don’t own or rely on cars here.

October 20, 2014

what the fuck is going on.

man, it’s really been a month. i don’t usually post on this and i especially don’t get personal on this, but everything is so wack lately and more people probably read this than my fucking livejournal. 

lately, all of my social interactions are fraught with tension. i can also feel myself growing mean, irreverent and annoying within these interactions. i am annoyed, too. everything is so fucking annoying.

i deleted instagram off my phone so i wouldn’t look at my ex-boyfriends shit. i will be honest about that. i wont talk about how long after the breakup i did this, or how often i was actually looking at it, but i don’t really miss it. i resent the idea that i can’t have it if i want to be less anxious, but i don’t really crave it. after i deleted it i tried to learn both JavaScript and Spanish. it’s not surprising that i learned neither.

i didn’t really miss him after we broke up. as usual, i had done most of my grieving beforehand and there was nothing to even miss; we barely spoke. its all more traumatic than i’ve let myself think it was. i am fine, i really am. summer was great. this year has been great, until now. i missed him for the first time on a Sunday night two weeks ago, when my bed suddenly felt empty. it was strange, because all of my feelings until that point concerned my guilt and my frustration. it’s not fair that i still don’t know who he is, that i can’t remember anything he’s ever said to me. it’s not fair that i was present for his intrusion into my life. it’s not fair that he ignored me every time i cried, it’s not fair that i didn’t know what to do when something horrible happened to him, because i knew he didn’t love me and i was not a comfort, it’s not fair that he never did anything wrong but i never trusted him anyway, it’s not fair that i still think about it. i’m confounded. i can’t even articulate it because it’s all so confusing to me. five months later and i’ve missed him exactly one time, but i almost jump out of my fucking skin when i see a look-alike at the airport. i’ve stopped dating. i am terrified, not necessarily of who will come next but of who i will become next and what other small psychic horrors i will force myself to tolerate.

um. 

my upstairs neighbor just got back from milwaukee or wherever the fuck she’s been and she got a dog. it’s cute but i definitely stepped in its shit one day. she also definitely got into 2 screaming fights with her boyfriend at 2AM on separate nights, and definitely vacuums at midnight. i definitely wrote her a kind of shitty e-mail detailing these grievances, and may have reached back to other past events in order to illustrate my lack of faith in her ability to respect our needs as housemates, and she definitely screamed at me for an hour over the phone. she got oddly personal and told me that her guests always ask her what my FUCKING problem is. i don’t know if my fucking problem is that guests = noise and my disdain shows through, or if my fucking problem is that i’m truly and justifiably unfriendly to 30 year old hippie johnnies walking up to my front porch, or maybe my fucking problem is that my housemate is kind of a bitch who wants to make me feel bad. but my lack of friendliness doesn’t whirr like a vacuum and it probably doesn’t keep her up at night.

i went out one night until 4AM. there were a lot of people i saw that night and no one seemed well. i had fun but i felt pathetic and everything and everyone else seemed pathetic too.

i teach with a man 1st period. he is in his 40s. he is late every day. there are no unit plans, no lesson plans. there are textbook chapters thrown up onto the chalkboard, there is dead silence, there is Palpable Pupil Fear (of what? i don’t really understand.) when he is not there yet, and i put an assignment on the board, our students work. and when he walks in they go stiff. he sends me downstairs to make copies of some activity we should have started weeks ago and when i come back he is always, always erasing the assignment i had them start. after this i shut down, because what can i do? he makes it known that i am not his equal, even though i show up on time and i have plans and ideas and…i watch him seethe whenever i lead a lesson. the first week of school, he grabbed my arm tight every time he walked by, found some excuse to hold onto it and make some kind of verbal jab at me. “stop stop stop stop stop” and he didn’t take me seriously.

he denies this.

we are having a meeting on thursday and someone invited the principal. it wasn’t me.

this weekend i went to cooperstown with my family for my dad’s birthday. it was really fantastic and beautiful and fun. i fucking hate illinois. i can’t figure out why i like chicago. now that almost all of my friends are here, i feel a little trapped, like i’ll stay here out of complacency. funny how that same logic has never applied to any other place i’ve lived. i’d always just go, go, go. there must be something else. maybe it’s my tenure, but i seriously doubt it. it’s so hard to tell why i’ve felt so unstable here, too. i feel so hedonistic compared to my younger self, which is kind of insane and might just be a function of living in a large city on my own with fewer healthy coping mechanisms at my disposal (no moms, no beaches). i also greatly feel the “paradox of choice,” which means i never go to any museums and barely want to go to any bars that aren’t across the street. i started going to shows semi-regularly during the summer but i really have no interest anymore. i really want to be on my couch 75% of the time. 

i waver back and forth so much on my feelings about place and its importance to me. most of the time i’m inclined to believe that it’s everything, but it exists so intangibly in my mind that i can’t convince myself of anything. i wonder if the comfort of knowing that something is there is more useful than the thing…actually being there. how many times did i actually go to the nassau coliseum? how many times did i drive through upstate new york? probably 12-15 times each in the span of 25 years. but how i’d love to live in a place where i am near to both. they are comforting, albeit impractical, useless things to be close to. but also, by the same token, maybe i feel that i need to live in a moderately large city with access to “services” and “niche leisure activities” that i rarely take advantage just because i am pleased to know they exist. how do i prioritize these things, how do i determine what is essential? the only thing i have so far is family and friends. they are essential, but scattered, with a large concentration in New York. i still can’t move to New York City and feel okay about it, because i hate almost everything else about the place, ha ha ha. natural beauty seems important to me, but i’ve been living without it for 3 years. i think (lack of) it might be the only reason that i’m currently questioning my decision to stay here indefinitely, so it must be essential in some way. i can’t parse everything in my dumb fucking brain and the only thing i want to be able to do is write eloquently about this dilemma. i need to find some way to explain why i feel casted out from my own home, and why i want to bite someone’s head off when they post, read, and/or engage with any stupid narrative about any stupid person’s “relationship” with New York (or conversely, even that anti-narrative called…”new york doesnt love you”…or something, which was just as terrible and laden with stupid tropes). New York is a place like anywhere else. It doesn’t care, but it also doesn’t not care. it doesn’t do anything. maybe i’m blowing it out of proportion; here i am rattling on about place. really i am just jealous. i cry when my plane flies over it. i wish i could feel some type of way, and i think that’s what makes me upset. i’m so confused. i keep thinking of this quote:

“No,” she said. “Life is totally clear cut. It’s exactly what the research is. All the research says go live with your friends and fam­ily. Oth­er­wise, you have to look at why you’re not doing that. If you want to look at a city that’s best for your career, it’s New York, San Fran­cisco or Lon­don. If you’re not look­ing for your career, it doesn’t really mat­ter. There’s no dif­fer­ence. It’s split­ting hairs. The whole con­ver­sa­tion about where to live is bullshit.”

how do you choose?

today i heard that song about small towns by john mellencamp on the radio ( “___(fill in the blank)___ in a small town,” repeat). i cried the first time. i have never lived in a small town. where will i be happy? when will i be happy? with whom? there are so many people who make me happy and thank god for them. i’d live in the furthest reaches of the earth with them. but maybe the Catskills would be better.

October 13, 2014

i think i finally believe in “mercury retrograde,” fuck this week

It’s funny

I read my feed on this every day but I never post anything anymore which only makes me feel guilty that some Post-Teenager Internet Artist is missing out on their desired URL so I can talk about bra sizes and the Islanders every 6 months

This is literally the most dumb cliche thing ever but →

geocities:

prodeath:

*~~today I realized I have been wearing the wrong bra size my whole life~~* and it’s a #gamechanger

How does this work? I remember reading a post on reddit or something like how to “correctly” measure your bra size and it seemed like basically if you were a 36C…

I like this story because I recently bought like 4 bras from Victoria’s Secret that my mom forced me to get because I only had cotton American Apparel bras. The problem is that I tried them on during my period and they fit great, then my boobs shrank to normal and now after washing them the edges are curled up and it shows through my shirts. I think my issue with this calculator though is that it doesn’t account for like…where your boobs are in your chest. If I tried to wear a 32 anything, that shit is going to literally cut into the middle of my boobs. Even most 34s do, which is why I stopped wearing bras with underwire. I don’t get it! It’s not like my chest is super duper broad but I guess it’s broader than average, and my boobs are smaller than average. I do want an excuse to go try stuff on at a fancy lingerie store though.

October 12, 2014
This is literally the most dumb cliche thing ever but

prodeath:

*~~today I realized I have been wearing the wrong bra size my whole life~~* and it’s a #gamechanger

How does this work? I remember reading a post on reddit or something like how to “correctly” measure your bra size and it seemed like basically if you were a 36C you were REALLY a 34D, so using that correlation my 34B that kinda sorta fits would be a 32C which is like, nah, my bod is wayyy too broad for that and the cups would probably gape even more than they do now. How did you figure out ur true size? Cause I feel like these babies won’t ever conform to the mold. Also bra sizes must vary a lot between brands? Like pants? And everything else.

August 28, 2014
something

tintinforthewin:

that I always find entertaining is the different ways people in Virginia find to hide the fact that our state flag has a woman’s breast showing on it.  Usually her toga is shown as going higher than it really should, and I’ve seen a few where they actually make her a man. 

This gem is from the Virginia general district court information site (which I have to visit multiple times daily for my job):

image

wow. do you remember Bugles, that corn chip snackfood?

did you know that the New York state flag has a Bugle in it?

it’s really funny because sometimes they try to make it look like it’s not a Bugle, like sometimes it looks like a wizard’s hat. i’ve even seen it where it looks red, like a Bugle covered in Doritos nacho cheese powder. but it’s definitely a Bugle. what’s really crazy is that Bugles were created in 1966 but the flag was made in 1778. “food for thought” huh? how did they know??? so proud. 

(via famousflowerof-manhattan)

August 23, 2014

(Source: octopussiour, via heck)

July 24, 2014
fauxfauxfur:

innocent-ly:

f-abulush:

lushgaze:

erectdaddy:

jahkc:

almostchemical:

sageofmagic:

neutralistic:

lamod-e:

i would never leave this bed

perfect

I just imagine making that into a giant nest of warm blankets and watching rain fall down on the roof

I WANT THIS SO BAD
Stargazing would be amazing in a room like this!!!! (if it was far from light pollution)
Image watching comets! meteor showers! Setting up a sizable telescope in you room and marvel at the rings of Saturn or Jupiter and its moons!!!!
hnnnng


Imagine sleeping wowk

i would never leave that room

ahfgjsksla want this 

this is so damn perfect 

imagine rolling off of this in the middle of the night, onto the floor below. 

Imagine if the window covering also doubled as a TV…

fauxfauxfur:

innocent-ly:

f-abulush:

lushgaze:

erectdaddy:

jahkc:

almostchemical:

sageofmagic:

neutralistic:

lamod-e:

i would never leave this bed

perfect

I just imagine making that into a giant nest of warm blankets and watching rain fall down on the roof

I WANT THIS SO BAD

Stargazing would be amazing in a room like this!!!! (if it was far from light pollution)

Image watching comets! meteor showers! Setting up a sizable telescope in you room and marvel at the rings of Saturn or Jupiter and its moons!!!!

hnnnng

Imagine sleeping wowk

i would never leave that room

ahfgjsksla want this 

this is so damn perfect 

imagine rolling off of this in the middle of the night, onto the floor below. 

Imagine if the window covering also doubled as a TV…

(Source: fluxinspiration-architecture)

July 15, 2014

(Source: Spotify)

July 7, 2014
  

geocities:

geocities:

Concrete Blonde - Joey

once i sing this song at karaoke i can die feeling accomplished

hmm pretty sure i should be dead by now

or at least accomplished

  

geocities:

Concrete Blonde - Joey

once i sing this song at karaoke i can die feeling accomplished

hmm pretty sure i should be dead by now

June 16, 2014
Workaholics stay at work. Ruminators take it home, at least in their heads. This means they have little or no time for restorative leisure, for recreational activities, for time to recharge their batteries. As a result they don’t allow themselves the all-important incubation period, so well understood by creativity researchers, who know that it is best to stop working on a problem in order to solve it.